Salford Lads Club: England beat Ukraine to qualify

Ukraine 0 England 1

So England came of top of their group despite being second best to all three opponents for long periods in all three matches.  

Rooney’s return made him one of many “talismans” (or talismen?)  of the night. Commentators were spotting them everywhere. Shevchenko was Ukraine’s “talisman”.  Sweden scored against France through their own “talisman”, Zlatan. Steven Gerrard became “talismanic”. In the end there was more talisman action than an episode of Rentaghost.    

Rooney joined Welbeck and Young to form a Manchester United threesome. None of them had performances to brag about back at training in Salford, yet the result was the kind of grinding fortuitous away win United would deliver in January before launching a title winning run.

The quality didn’t come from the Salford Lads — Rooney was rusty in his return, befitting a striker whose last tournament goal was so long ago he’s gone bald in the interim. Welbeck was quiet and unable to hold the ball up, and Ashley Young had another poor game pushed so deep he spent much of the first half stepping on Ashley Cole’s toes.  

Instead, the quality came from Steven Gerrard whose wicked crosses have provided England’s main threat at this tournament. This time he sent a ball into the box that slalomed round Ukraine’s entire team like a highly trained border collie; it then hopped through the keeper’s hands, before sitting up perfectly for Rooney to head in. One-Nil.      

Even after the goal, England remained inhibited and careless, as they have been consistently under Hodgson Ukraine were the better team throughout, maintaining possession and providing regular scares for Joe Hart. They actually scored in the 60^th minute, only for the officials to misjudge the ball’s flight over the line and wave the play on. A massive lucky break for England.

But come on, England have stored up a lot of bad luck since a Tunisian referee failed to see the Hand Of God back in 1986. The subsequent years have been a blur of Koeman fouls, goal line refereeing blunders, outrageous cards, and what felt like a full decade of Sol Campbell winners getting disallowed in extra time without cause. Sympathy for Ukraine is genuine, but short-lived.   

Alan Green (on the radio) was livid, repeatedly calling the hapless goal line assistant an “idiot” before deciding, with the help of Chris Waddle, that he was actually a “pratt”.