Back To The Future: A repeat finale of Spain vs Germany looking likely

Germany 2 Holland 1

Germany’s victory over Holland was ominous, and they look odds on to meet Spain in a second consecutive Euro final. Mario Gomez was ruthless in front of goal wiping away the memory of his poor finishing for Bayern Munich in the Champions League final (Gomez did prompt memories of Crispin Glover's George McFly in Back To The Future, however). The Dutch struggled again, only Sneijder looking like he really had a plan of how to get them out of their hole.   

Mario Gomez (left) with fan
in the 1980s (or is it 1950s?)

Watching the game wasn’t easy though, thanks to another less than impressive BBC showing. Jonathan Pearce was wretchedly bombastic throughout. He opened by asserting that the famous old game between Cryuff’s Dutch Masters and Beckenbauer’s West Germany was memorable for “thirsts for revenge for the Nazi occupation of Holland ahead of the 1974 World Cup final”. 

Lawrenson provided no relief. After a miserable start covering Germany’s first game against Portugal, Lawro sighed and tutted his way through this match like Mary Whitehouse passing judgment on the "permissive society". A commentator on Twitter offered the explanation: “Lawro hates football. He hates being there”. Another compared Lawro to a grump in the back of the car: "Should have taken the A40 back there."

Italy 1 Croatia 1

Italy’s game with Croatia was a physical encounter. Lots of shirt pulling and mano-a-mano grappling, all likely to terrify Italy’s Antonio Cassano who had earlier in the week declared his hope that there were no froci (slang equivalent to "poofs") in their squad. 

The question arose when Italian journalists asked Cassano about rumours that two of the Azzuri were gay, and one bisexual. It was also claimed that three Italian stars in Poland were “metrosexual”, a term Cassano needed defining.

Starring Andrea Pirlo as "Joe Tortelli"

One player who certainly couldn't be marked as metrosexual is Andrea Pirlo, who curved a wonderful free kick into the corner of Croatia’s goal to give Italy the lead. Modern manbags and all that jazz wouldn’t suit Pirlo, who has the look of a medallion wearing, open shirted cast member of a 1970s James L. Brooks TV show; a lesser seen driver in Taxi for example, or a rough edged but dogged Italian-American reporter from Brooklyn who answers to Ed Asner in Lou Grant.

Spain 4 Ireland 0

Another debacle for the Irish. So early have goals been scored against Shay Given this tournament that Ireland should begin defensive duties during the national anthems. Trappattoni’s team have conceded a goal within seconds of the opening of all four halves of football they’ve played in Poland.  

Spain’s passing diagram, a map of passes made during the match, looked like the silhouette of a birdsnest. The Spaniards completed 788 passes compared to Ireland's 178; Xavi alone completed 127 passes from 136 attempts.  

The game was effectively over after Silva scored Spain's second, giving Del Bosque the chance to rollcall various high calibre substitutes and rub everyone else's noses in it. Still, a player as good as Chelsea's Juan Mata didn't get a mention. Substitute Fabregas scored a fourth goal unhindered by a disinterested Irish defence. "Disgusting" spat Roy Keane reviewing the goal back in the studio. 

ITV's Adrian Chiles signed off an otherwise successful show (featuring a welcome Roberto Martinez alongside Keane) with the question: "So, Spain, are they contenders?". Not sure about that, but they're definitely in the top one or two, Adrian.